Mask of Smiles.

I reach out to touch my future.
An inevitability that I cannot bear.
Hiding in the shadow of my past.
A perfect little girl I was.
Molded into a beaten new form.
Evolved into a drained being.
Though, my youth is still strongly intact.
I can't hold my head up.
Lately, the sinking feeling,
It comes harder and with more force.
The words sprayed drip with raw emotion.
My lungs have become filled.
I can't bear to awaken with the world.
I lie in velvet darkness.
Awoken for dinner.
Awake for the suns departure.
Asleep for the new days arrival.
All the while confined in myself.
Between for walls that have become my hiding place.
Air rolling in through a machine
in the only window,
blocking almost all natural light
that wishes to invade.
Praying for the summer to never end.
I can't fathom the weight school always brings.
I don't want to see anyone.
I don't want them to see me.
As the work piles up,
and nothing makes sense anymore,
the streaks of liquid stain my face.
Always in private.
Too ashamed.
Too used to being the smart little girl.
Too nervous about the eyes of the world.
Breakdowns that have become normal routine
are still in shadows.
Pleading for help
but only within.
Tired.
Stressed.
Worn.
Scared.
Alone.
Covered by a veil of jokes and songs
Lying in the darkness.
With heavy eyes
tired limbs
And my mask of smiles.